and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I could fuck to npr.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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