Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
