my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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