You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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