i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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