I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
