3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
