Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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