Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
