I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Randomize
