So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
