In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
