remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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