? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I think a kid would responsible me up
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
