had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
