He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
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