I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Randomize
