I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Randomize
