I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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