I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
