Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize