this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Randomize
