I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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