I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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