I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
