I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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