Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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