I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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