pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
