Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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