never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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