It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
