She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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