In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I stole a fireplace last night.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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