Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Randomize
