loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
