woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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