Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
