That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
