Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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