So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
