Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
