He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
