Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
