Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
