Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
