I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
