i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
