I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
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