is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize