I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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