OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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