I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
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