I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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