I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
