Well apparently he's into motor boating.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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