why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Just pee around me
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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