Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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