my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
