Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
