I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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