What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
