im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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