Umm I'm too high to move.
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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