i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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