The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
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SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
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