I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
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