help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Come on in and take your pants off
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