No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
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