Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
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