Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
