I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
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Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
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That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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